Chirping Octopus

Y'all Come Back Now, Ye' Moo?

2006-08-24T09:43:00.001-04:00

Good vs. Evil

2006-07-13T10:33:00.000-04:00

Recent photos indicate that the battle between good and evil is afoot. As if we didn't already know this. More...

That's Right!

2006-07-11T23:31:00.000-04:00

4 posts in one day, two of which were rants/complaints. Well... it's been a long time since I've posted anything, so what did you expect?

Why I Hate Home Depot... #1

2006-07-11T23:27:00.000-04:00

For the record, I did not write this. My wife did. It was in response to our recent experience having carpet installed by Home Depot. She wrote it in response to a survey that we received from Home Depot in the mail this week about our recent experience with them...

"My experience with Home Depot carpet installation should be an embarrassment to company management. It took over a month to resolve the problems that I was having, and customer service was not friendly or helpful in keeping me informed about the progress of my situation. I had to take matters into my own hands, spending countless hours on the phone, trying to resolve the problems that I was having. The amount of time that I spent on the phone was unacceptable, and the number of times that I was passed on to another representative was ridiculous. I would gladly share a detailed account of my horrific installation experience with a quality control person from Home Depot. The installation was so poor that the entire carpeting had to be ripped out and done a second time. In addition, the installers destroyed molding due to gross negligence on their part, not following proper installation techniques. I was lied to several times by an assistant manager for the local Home Depot Store, named Pat Hess. On several occasions, he claimed that the manager did not deal directly with customers, and that he would have the ultimate say in the matter. It was not until I threatened to write a letter to the CEO of the company detailing my account, complete with his name that he passed on a message for the manager to get in touch with me. And, he gave her a wrong name. So, when she called, if she had not identified herself as being from Home Depot, I would not have known that the call was for me. She was horrified with the experience that I had. I have digital photographs detailing the initial installation that occurred. I would be happy to share them with a representative. Home Depot should be ashamed not only with the installation of the carpeting, but with the way in which a customer was treated by the customer service department. Please feel free to contact me for a detailed account of all of the problems that I encountered. I would be more than happy to share any information that would be helpful in eliminating this type of experience from happening to another customer. I will not consider Home Depot for another custom installation job. In fact, a close friend just had carpeting and hard wood flooring installed throughout her entire spacious home. I told her to go to Lowe's, and she did. I will tell everyone who ever asks about our carpet installation about our nightmare. Over the past 5 years we have spent an enormous amount of money at Home Depot for supplies to fix up our home. I can no longer justify giving the company my business after the way that we were treated."

Of course, we probably will end up going back there at some point... especially since I have a $50 Home Depot gift card in my wallet right now.

Monopoly Trading

2006-07-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

Well, I have made the bold decision to trade from one monopoly to another. I have decided to put all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak, and do away with my two ever-cost-increasing MCI phone lines. When I first signed up for these phone lines a couple of years ago, they were marketed as being $49.99 per line for unlimited local and long distance calling. At that time, after taxes, I recall paying around $105 per month. Well, today, with the same plans, my phone bill is around $164 per month! That's over a 50% increase in my bill over the past couple of years, due to new "taxes" and "service fees", all of which are on top of the still marketed oh so low $49.99 plan fee.

Well, as of July 20th, I'll be switching to Comcast's voice over IP phone lines. (Sorry to those that have Vonage and could have received a month of free service for a referral.) Now, for virtually the same price as my current phone bill, I will be getting two phone lines with the same service I have now, digital cable with DVR functionality, and high speed cable Internet.

Of course, tonight, I saw an ad for a similar offer from Verizon, who now offers DirectTV service, but that would mean going back to... the Enemy.

How American Am I?

2006-07-11T23:13:00.000-04:00

You Are 72% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

The Aliens Have Landed

2006-06-03T14:16:00.000-04:00

I've suspected it for some time now. Now, there's proof.

Aetna... Thank You!

2006-05-23T10:45:00.000-04:00

A big thank you to Aetna today for the wonderful letter I received yesterday indicating that my insurance premium is being raised by 25%. Currently, I pay almost $800 per month for my family's insurance. In July, Aetna will allow me to pay almost $1000 per month. YAY!!!!

Freakin' Political Correctness

2006-05-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

I recently finished reading Michael Smerconish's book Muzzled, about the rampant political correctness that is plaguing our nation today. In the book, one example of such ridiculous PC is the fact that at airports, out of fear of offending, we aren't screening people that actually look like terrorists. Well, yesterday, I saw first-hand, an example of just this type of insanity. While traveling through security to catch a flight, I watched a 5 year-old boy in a wheelchair get flagged for secondary screening by security. As one could plainly see, this boy had physical ailments. Yet, security proceeded to swab down his wheelchair and test it for bomb residue anyway. Absolutely ridiculous.

Allergy Conspiracy?

2006-05-09T16:23:00.000-04:00

Last Friday, my daughter had a sleepover with 3 friends for her 10th birthday. During this event, at one point, my wife asked "Okay, who needs to take their allergy medicine before bed?" All 4 girls raised their hands. I watched, in wonder, as all four girls took different allergy medications, including Claratin, Zertek, and more. Add this to the fact that my wife takes Claratin on a daily basis, and my 4 year old daughter takes Zertek, Singulair, Flovent, and Nasonex on a daily basis (multiple times per day)!

I think that there may be an allergy conspiracy. Perhaps allergies aren't actually caused by spores, molds, and fungus, as we are led to believe. Perhaps they are actually caused by the allergy medications themselves.

Personally, I have never taken allergy medicine, except to treat rare cases of bad poison ivy. In fact, looking back, I don't recall any sleepovers from when I was a child, where anyone took any allergy medicine either. Hmmm...

My Yard... The Wild

2006-04-26T09:24:00.000-04:00

Lately, my yard seems to have become a haven for wildlife. Take the following examples, all of which occurred within the past week...

* A few days ago, while getting something out of one of my cars, a large rabbit sat and watched me. I didn't actually see it myself, but my wife did, and was suprised that I didn't see it, as it had been so close to me.

* I found a 12" - 18" garter snake while mowing the lawn yesterday evening. Unfortunately for the snake, it slithered into a section of tall grass that I was about to mow. I did get a rake, and start looking for it, to scare it away before mowing that area. Alas, I could not find it, so I proceeded to mow. After mowing, however, I found half of the snake, sticking its tongue out at me and slithering around. I picked it up, and placed it in the woods. I felt bad for it, and only wish I had been able to find it sooner.

* Also while mowing my lawn, a strange dog meandered into my yard, and proceeded to poke around. I found out later that it was a neighbor's dog, that had been missing for several days. I actually saw it once before a couple of days ago, again, in my yard.

* This morning, I was in my kitchen, gathering my breakfast, when something out the side window caught my eye. I glanced out my window onto the picnic table, which was about 2 feet from where I was standing. There, sat a medium-sized hawk with something in its talons. I looked carefully to see what it was, as I thought it might be a mouse. I was mistaken. It was a baby bird, still flapping its wings and opening its mouth to peep.

* Later this morning, while making tea, again in my kitchen, I glanced out the window and saw... none other than three large white-tailed deer. They were moving about, eating greens from my newly cut lawn.

Now, I just need to see a fox, a bear, and an alpaca, and I should be set for the week.

A Contact Lens Conspiracy

2006-04-25T10:12:00.000-04:00

I've been wearing contact lenses since I was in 8th grade. Until recently, I have always worn normal soft contacts. In the past several years, however, I have been getting disposable soft contacts, as they are about the same price, and provide multiple replacement pairs.

Until this past year, I never really noticed a difference between normal contacts and disposable contacts. In fact, I even seem to recall a 20/20 story from years past that shed light on the fact that normal contacts and disposable contacts were virtually exactly the same. Because of this, whenever I've gotten disposable contacts in the past, I have tried to make them last as long as humanly possible, only opening a new pair when I loose one or one gets damaged, rather than on a weekly or monthly basis, as prescribed by the so called "optometrist".

Anyway, a few months ago, I ordered a new batch of disposable contacts, as my prescription had changed and my previous "disposable" batch of contacts was about 3-4 years old. With this new batch, I have noticed something odd. Last week, I went to put in my contacts, and noticed that I couldn't really see out of them. Everything was blurry. What the? These contacts were less than a month old. Furthermore, I wear glasses primarily. I had only even worn the contacts about 4-5 times. How could this be?

Here's my theory. I think that there is a conspiracy against disposable contact lens wearers. This conspiracy goes right to the top, and includes optometrists, contact lens companies, and contact lens care product companies. I think that the disposable contacts of today are still identical to normal contact lenses. However, to ensure that people purchase more of them, and do not wear them for extended periods of time, I think that less superior contact lens solutions and other care products are being sold. This, in turn, causes contacts to become dirtier, and eventually need to be replaced. What furthers my theory is that optometrists and contact lens care providers tell you that there is no need to purchase multiple care products. Instead, a "multi-solution" will take care of everything.

Well, I may just put this theory to test by trying the "old-fashioned" way of caring for my next pair of disposable contacts, rather than using the new "one solution does it all" method.

Tales of a 4th Grade Shocking

2006-04-09T20:20:00.000-04:00

And now, and excerpt from a note that was found in my 9 year old's school jumper pocket while doing laundry...

Do you want to do math at recess? Circle one...

Yes or No

No

OK. What do you want to do?

Shock each other?

Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Overheard at Tonight's Dinner

2006-04-09T20:09:00.000-04:00

Excerpts of a conversation that was overheard at tonight's dinner with the kids...
(In discussion about a teacher at my daughter's school)
----------

L: "Well, some kids call her 'Mrs. Ho'"

B: "That's not nice. You shouldn't call someone that. It's kind of a bad word."

L: "It is? I thought that it meant... a garden tool."

B: "Well... it does. But, it's still kind of a bad word."

M: "No it's not. Santa says that."

B: "Uh... well... okay. It's a bad word if you call someone that. It's okay to say 'Ho, Ho Ho'."

...

L: "But, what if someone's last name is 'Ho'"? Then, you'd say... 'Hello, Mr. Ho'."

J: "Okay, that's enough Ho talk."

...

J: "Stop spinning your lettuce!"

Bad Boss?

2006-04-05T09:03:00.000-04:00

This one goes out to QueenD.

The Shark Bites at Midnight

2006-04-03T09:30:00.000-04:00

My oldest daughter has done it again. She is already scheming to get her beloved unkie, who is deathly afraid of sharks, into the ocean this summer. Her latest plan involves two steps, which are beautifully illustrated in her diagram. Click on the photo for a larger version.

Springtime Is Here

2006-03-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, the squirrels are playing.

While on the subject of squirrels, jump on over to Crazy Squirrel World for the latest information about these little furry creatures, including photos, games, and answers to age old questions such as "Are there squirrels in heaven?"

Vital Information for Your Everyday Knowledge

2006-03-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

A friend sent this to me. I don't usually pass along forwards, but this one seemed too good to not share. Besides, it fits in well with many of my past gripes...

Andy Rooney's Tips for Telemarketers

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1) The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help

When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 37 cents.

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase ! postage costs again. You get the idea !

Feeling Burned Out?

2006-03-15T16:07:00.000-05:00

CNN has posted an article titled Five warning signs of job burnout. The article provides some interesting statistics, as well as suggestions for overcoming burnout.

I think that I meet several criteria.

Map Your Expedition on the Red Planet

2006-03-14T14:04:00.000-05:00

Google has officially announced Google Mars!

Noah's Ark?

2006-03-13T20:04:00.000-05:00

The search is on.

Make Your Travel Plans Now

2006-03-11T19:49:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that the hotels are already filling up. The World Beard and Moustache Championships will be held in Brighton, England on Saturday, September 1, 2007! What's more, they will be coming to America in 2009! Be sure to make your plans soon!

And Now For Something Completely Different

2006-03-10T00:21:00.000-05:00

For those that are sick of my usual complaining...

Four jobs I’ve had
Dishwasher
Cheese Cutter
Baker
Kmart Electronics Dept. Employee

Four movies I can watch over and over
Star Wars Trilogy
Indiana Jones Trilogy
Back to the Future Trilogy
Spider-Man 2

Four TV shows I love to watch
Survivor
Lost (thought I don't watch it on TV, I watch it on DVD)
King of Queens
Still Standing

Four places I’ve been on vacation
Key West, FL
Cancun
Disney World, FL
New York, NY

Four favorite dishes
Cheese
Meat
Sandwiches
Snacks

Four websites I visit daily
Macrumors
TheForce.net
CNN
Va ri ous Bl ogs

Four places I’d rather be
At the movies
Out to eat
Sleeping
On the beach

Four bloggers I’m tagging
NONE!

And now... back to complaining.

Well, You Don't See that Every Day...

2006-03-08T19:15:00.000-05:00

Two white-tailed deer mating in my backyard. That's what I (and my kids) saw when I looked out the window this evening.

AHHHHHHHHH!

2006-03-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

Just need to say that.

Dashboard and Blogger

2006-02-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

Well, Google has done it. For those Blogger and Mac OS X 10.4 and higher users out there, Google has just released a Dashboard widget for submitting Blogger entries.

Why I Hate Receipts

2006-02-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

Since many people are preparing to do their taxes for the year, I thought this would be a fitting topic.

Has anyone else noticed that many receipts these days seem to be printed in disappearing ink? What the heck? While going through my business receipts each year for the past several years, it never fails that I come across a completely blank piece of paper, just about the size of a receipt. In some cases, I find receipts that are still vaguely visible to the naked eye, but are disappearing fast. These could be important receipts!

What are we to do in this situation? Copy every receipt immediately after receiving it? Hire a document restoration expert, or purchase a Video Spectral Comparator?

I'm beginning to think that this is a conspiracy. Perhaps stores are printing receipts in disappearing ink so that you can't return things or get warranty service in the future. Or, perhaps the IRS is trying to make sure that we aren't able to write off everything that we should be writing off. Or, perhaps the document restoration experts are trying to drum up business.

Simply put, I hate receipts.

Netflix Top 100 Majority

2006-02-14T18:35:00.000-05:00

Just did a little tallying, and I have seen 71 of the movies on the Netflix top 100 list. Out of the remaining 29 movies, 4 are in my rental queue, which currently contains 50 movies.

Mental note... I think I need to get out more.

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1 (Update... #5)

2006-02-14T12:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, after spending more time than she would have liked on the phone with GE's customer service department, my wife got GE to order us a new replacement part for our washing machine. Not the part specified in our original repair call, but the part that was broken by the repairman during one of his visits. Anyway, GE said they would FexEx the correct part to us overnight, and it should arrive in the morning. We had also scheduled a repair visit for later in the day, and we refused to cancel the visit until the part had arrived and we could confirm that it was in working order.

Low and behold, this morning, FedEx came and dropped off a package from GE. We ran to the door and tore open the package, only to discover that.... IT WAS THE WRONG PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the FREAKIN' HELL!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So, my wife got back on the phone, and called GE customer service again. She spoke with Mr. J.R. Watts in escalation (1-800-386-1215 x2616). Mr. Watts was the gentleman that had ordered the "correct" part for us yesterday, and had FedEx'ed it to us overnight. Apparently, he had mistakenly ordered an internal cord for our washer, when what we needed was an external cord. During the call, my wife pulled out our washing machine instruction guide, went to the page that explained how to hook the cord up to the washer, and read him the name of the part. Mr. Watts informed my wife that he could not look up a part by name, and that he needed the actual part number. He then said that he would no longer speak with her about this issue, and that she would need to wait for a repairman to come to our home to confirm the part that we needed, and reorder it.

Shortly after the call with Mr. Watts ended, a repairman showed up at our home. He confirmed that the incorrect part had been ordered, and he re-ordered the proper part. He then indicated that the new part should arrive sometime during the next 7 days.

Our original service call was placed on Monday, January 16th. It is now February 14th, 29 days since our initial call. In this 29 days, we have had 4 repair visits to our home (each with a 4 hour arrival time window), we have been on hold with GE customer service for at least 5-6 hours, my wife has been hung up upon, we have had 2 incorrect parts ordered... I could go on. And, GE doesn't even seem to care.

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1 (Update... #4)

2006-02-12T11:42:00.000-05:00

Today. Sunday morning. 11:15 AM. The phone rings. It's another survey company calling on behalf of GE to find out how our experience was with getting our washing machine fixed. My wife answered the phone. The woman on the line gets an earful. Still, our washing machine remains unfixed.

Note to self... add this to the list... GE has the NERVE to have someone call us on a Sunday, and a Saturday, to give us a survey about their service, when...

#1. A repairman has been at our house 3 times, and our washer still isn't fixed, now due to something that was working when we initiated our original call, but that the repairman himself broke during one of his visits.

#2. We PAID for a freakin' warranty contract "to avoid the hassle" of dealing with potential repairs, when it has now taken about a month to get our washing machine fixed, and IT'S STILL NOT FIXED!!!!

#3. We have been on hold with GE customer service for, probably, 4 or more hours in the past month. One of the times, my wife was hung up on, forcing her to call back and re-navigate their phone tree.

#4. They call to survey us on a Saturday and a Sunday morning, during times when GE's customer service department is CLOSED! So, in other words, Saturday and Sunday are free times for GE, but it's okay to call us and interrupt our days with 20 minute phone calls.

I'm sure I could go on. Still waiting to see how this plays out...

Netflix "Throttling"

2006-02-11T16:09:00.000-05:00

I have been a Netflix member for a while now, and for the most part, I really enjoy my service. The plan I subscribe to allows me to rent up to 3 movies at a time, wich I usually watch and send back within a day or so. Given the frequency that I watch and return movies, and the speed by which Netflix ships movies (which is relatively quick), I should be able to rent approximately 20 movies per month.

The only thing that has really bothered me is that frequently, it seems that newer releases in my queue are flagged with wait periods, and I end up having to wait for a while before receiving them. Well, last night, I came across an article that explains why this is the case.

Apparently, what I (and many other Netflix customers) never realized was that Netflix "throttles" their frequent renters by delaying their shipments, and making them wait longer for new releases than they do for users who rent fewer movies. Thus, the advertised "unlimited rentals" are, in fact, limited. This is actually explained in Netflix terms of use...

In determining priority for shipping and inventory allocation, we give priority to those members who receive the fewest DVDs through our service. As a result, those subscribers who receive the most movies may experience that (i) the shipment of their next available DVD occurs at least one business day following return of their previously viewed movie, (ii) delivery takes longer, as the shipments may not be processed from their local distribution center and (iii) they receive movies lower in their queue more often than our other subscribers.

I'm still pretty happy with Netflix overall. It is quite cost effective, and saves me the time and hassle of having to leave home to go rent a movie. However, this throttling policy is VERY annoying, and it does make me question retaining my membership. Blockbuster now offers a similar service, and after reviewing their terms of use, it seems that they have policies similar to those of Netflix. I haven't made the decision to switch to Blockbuster yet. If I do, it probably will be simply for the fact that Blockbuster will allow me to print online coupons to rent one movie per week in an actual store. My initial guess about this benfit though, is that these coupons will not allow me to rent new releases.

Regardless of my complaints above, the benefits of an online movie rental service are numerous. Therefore, to those that are not enrolled in one, I highly recommend it.

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1 (Update... #3)

2006-02-11T15:45:00.000-05:00

Just thought that I would give update #3 about our GE washing machine adventure. The story itself. Update #1. Update #2.

In my last posting on this topic, I indicated that a repairman had come for a visit, determined that a plastic coupling needed to be replaced, and that he had ordered the part. Well, let's take it from there. A week and a half after leaving our house, the part arrived, and the repairman returned to install the part. Unfortunately, this did not fix the problem. As it turned out, the plastic coupling was not the problem. Rather, the problem was some gear shaped plastic part that had been stripped, and was not catching during the agitate cycle. Rather than risk missing something else, the repairman decided to order the entire assembly, which included the gar shaped plastic part. Also, in reinstalling the plastic coupling, the repairman apparently snapped the cord that links our washer to our dryer. Thus, the washer and dryer that can communicate with one another... could no longer communicate. The repairman indicated that he would bring a new cord with him on his next visit to fix the problem. He then left our house.

A week later, the new gear assembly arrived. However, this time, the repairman had not re-scheduled another visit to install the part. Therefore, I had to request an entirely new service call from GE's website. A week later, a repairman showed up. However, it wasn't the same guy. Rather, it was a new guy, who arrived at our home at 7:45 AM, which was before the scheduled service window, just as I was leaving to drive the kids to school. This new guy was rather grumpy, perhaps because it was early, or perhaps because he did not know the state of our washing machine, since it was worked on twice by another repairman. Regardless, he installed the new part. Only one problem. He didn't have a new cord for us. Therefore, as he was leaving, he indicated that he would order a new cord for us, which should arrive in a few days, and I could install it myself. He mentioned that he didn't think he could order the cord by itself, and that he would need to order a larger part, which should come with the cord. He said that I could just use the cord, and simply disregard the larger part. Then, he left.

A week later, a large package arrived from GE. Upon opening it, I found the entire top piece of the washer (i.e. the control panel). Only one problem... there was no cord in the box! AHHH!!! At this point, it was Friday night, after 5 PM. Too late to try to call GE, as it was outside of their normal business hours. Besides, who wants to sit on hold for an hour and fight with people in India on a Friday evening?

As if this wasn't all enough, the phone rang this morning (on a Saturday morning, no less), and it was a company calling on behalf of GE, to give us a survey about the quality of our recent GE repair call. My wife answered the phone. ;-) Needless to say, for those that know my wife, this didn't go over well, and the woman issuing the survey certainly got an earful.

So, here we sit, about month since our initial service call, three repairman visits later, 2-3 fixed parts later, and our washer and dryer are still not functioning as they should because the repairman broke a cord during one of his visits. Now, come Monday morning, my wife will have to sit on hold with GE customer service again, this time to try to get the correct part to be shipped to our house. I'm sure that, in the end, GE will regret this fact.

Again, I say... we will see how this all plays out. Stay tuned for future updates on this GE appliance saga.

Drug Expiration Dates

2006-02-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

Inspired by a recent blog entry about organic milk expiration dates, I have decided to perform a little expiration date research on my own, and answer the age old question... Do drug expiration dates really mean anything?

In fact, this question was actually plaguing me earlier this evening, as I found myself cleaning out my medicine cabinet, and throwing out dozens of drugs that were past their expiration date. Some were only mildly past their expiration date by a couple of months. Others were several years past their expiration date. Partially wanting to ensure that my family didn't take any potentially harmful drugs, and partially to give me more room in my medicine cabinet (which was overflowing), I threw out a lot of drugs.

Now, after Googling "Medicine Expiration Date," I realize that this may not have been necessary, at least, not for the purposes of protecting my family. The very first Google hit was for an article by the Harvard Medical School's Family Health Guide, titled "Drug Expiration Dates - Do They Mean Anything?" Basically, the gist of the article is the following... (as summarized by Mac OS X's "Summarize" service)

"With a splitting headache you reach into your medicine cabinet for some aspirin only to find the stamped expiration date on the bottle has passed - two years ago. So, do you take it or don't you?

...What they found from the study is 90% of more than 100 drugs, both prescription and over-the-counter, were perfectly good to use even 15 years after the expiration date.

...If the expiration date passed a few years ago and it's important that your drug is absolutely 100% effective, you might want to consider buying a new bottle."

YUMMY! BUGS!

2006-02-07T07:23:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the FDA is now considering a proposal to list bug coloring in foods. While this sounds like a good idea, and is interesting in itself, it brings another topic to my mind...

THERE'S BUG COLORING IN SOME OF THE FOODS I EAT, AND I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS????

Bug coloring, such as juices excreted from cochineals, is used in such foods as popsicles, yogurt, and more, and is often simply labeled as "color added." And all these years, I've been none the wiser. Now, I face a dilema, keep eating these foods, or stop out of disgust.

Regardless of this tough decision, I can't help but wonder what those who are vegetarians might think of this? Or, are they aleady aware and I'm just uninformed?

Album Recommendation #2... Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

2006-02-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of recommending albums, I'd like to share my thoughts on another band... Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. I recently learned of CYHSY, and I am really growing to like their music. And, I'm not just saying that because I used to go over to their lead singer Alec Ounsworth's house to play with him when I was little. I probably haven't seen or spoken to him in about 20 years.

Anyway, after first learning about Alec's band, I checked out their website, where they have posted a couple of their songs for download. Shortly thereafter, I was surprised when surfing channels one late night to see CYHSY on none other than the Conan O'Brien show. At this point, I decided it was time to pick up their album, which I did from the iTunes Music Store. CYHSY has a unique sound, and it continues to grow on me the more I listen to their music. I highly recommend that people check out their album.

Album Recommendation #1... The Garden State Soundtrack

2006-02-05T12:51:00.000-05:00

Recently, I purchased the Garden State soundtrack from the iTunes Music Store. I had enjoyed the movie, and the album was getting good reviews, so I decided to buy it and check it out. I have to say, I think it's one of those "great" soundtracks. You know, great like the soundtrack from Pulp Fiction, though a completely different genre of music. I like almost every song on the album, and I highly recommend that people check it out.

On another note, unrelated to the movie, but related to the Garden State... A while back, it was in the news that New Jersey, aka the Garden State, was trying to come up with a new state slogan. Personally, my favorite was one that Saturday Night Live came up with... "Welcome to New Jersey... Who farted?"

C D B? D B S A B-Z B.

2006-02-02T23:24:00.000-05:00

C D B was a favorite of mine when I was young. I'm actually considering picking up a copy of it so I can refresh my memory on all of the numerous letter codes, such as...

D L-F-N S N D L-F-8-R.
Y S E N D L-F-8-R?
I N O Y.
O, I C.
S E Y-N?
S, E S.
O-K, I C.
I M A U-M B-N.
S, U R.
E S N L-F-N.
S, E S.
L-C S N D L-F-8-R 2.
L-E S 2.
U R 2.
S, I M.

D-N. C U.

(Translation in the comments)

Internet Squeegee Guy

2006-01-20T19:24:00.000-05:00

WOW! What a treat! You know that guy that comes up to you when you're in the car waiting at a red light? You know, the guy who squeegee's your window for you? The guy who you either hand a few pennies to, or that you roll up your window quickly and speed away from? Well, now you don't even need to leave your home to visit him. Visit the good ol' Internet Squeegee Guy right now!

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1 (Update... #2)

2006-01-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

Just want to give a quick update on our GE washing machine incident.

First, a warning for anyone calling GE Customer Care. DO NOT attempt to navigate the phone tree! Instead, sit through the menu of options. Continue waiting. You will be notified that you did not enter a valid option. Wait some more. You will hear the menu of options again. Continue waiting. You will finally be transferred to a person. This was tested from one phone, after my wife sat on hold for more than 15 minutes on another phone. After about 30 seconds, I had a person on the line.

Now, on with the update. A service-man came to our home yesterday to take a look at our washer. After about 45 minutes of testing the washer, not being able to reproduce the problem we were encountering (of course), and insisting that the only thing wrong was that a nut needed some lubrication, I threw in a load of laundry, and the problem presented itself. The repair-man indicated that a plastic coupling needed to be replaced. He said that we can continue using the washer for now, until the repair is complete. He's coming back in a week to install the new coupling.

He also indicated that this was only the second repair that he has had on the GE Harmony Profile washer in the past 3 years, and the other repair was the same exact problem. Of course, we were one of the two.

Again, we will see how this all plays out.

The Jellyfish Are Coming!

2006-01-19T09:03:00.000-05:00

It's beginning. We all know that jellyfish are descendants of an ancient alien civilization, and now... they are attacking Japan. Weighing in at up to 440 lbs, these monstrous creatures are wreaking havoc on the Japanese fishing industry.

Punishing the Garden Gnomes

2006-01-18T12:53:00.000-05:00

You have seen them before, lurking in the bushes of your neighbor's yard. They lie there silently, waiting... but, waiting for what! Their next attack? Take action now, before it is too late! Visit the Die screaming with sharp things in your head collection of impaled garden gnomes, and learn how to punish those pesky little gnomes yourself!

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1 (Update... #1)

2006-01-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

Well, after nearly an hour on the phone this morning, we now have a service appointment scheduled for within 48 hours of our initial call. More details to follow, if any.

Why I Hate GE Appliances Customer Service... #1

2006-01-16T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been quite some time since I posted a good hate story, so I think it's high time for a new one...

On April 23rd, 2005, my wife and I decided that we had lived long enough with a crappy, tiny washer and dryer, and decided to purchase something new. Considering the amount of laundry that we do in our house (anyone who has stayed with us can attest to this), we decided to purchase the largest and highest quality washer and dryer we could find.

After searching far and near, we settled for the GE Profile Harmony washer and dryer system, where the washer talks and the dryer listens. We paid for quality and capacity, and even purchased a service contract with the appliances. The washer and dryer were delivered in May of 2005, and have performed very well for us.

However, recently, we noticed that our new washing machine (only about 9 months old) began making a loud clicking and clacking sound during the wash cycle. Assuming that this was a problem that should be resolved in a timely manner, my wife called GE Appliances Customer Service to schedule a service call. More fun with phone trees, yippee!

First, my wife was notified by the phone tree that the earliest appointment available was a week from her call. This was, obviously, unacceptable, considering that we have two small children, and a house full of laundry. After 20 minutes of pushing buttons, entering voice prompts, and sitting on hold, my wife finally got through to a customer service representative (who didn't speak English very well), and was told pretty much the same thing. The earliest possible appointment was not for a week. My wife indicated that this was not acceptable. At that, the customer service representative grumbled unhappily and indicated that he could fit her in 3 days earlier. After suggesting that this was still not acceptable to have to wait 4 days for an appointment, with laundry piling up, she asked to speak with a supervisor.

Then came the supervisor (who didn't speak English very well). This so-called supervisor now indicated that he could not, in fact, fit her in 3 days earlier. Instead, he could only fit her in a week, at the earliest. She indicated that the customer service representative she just spoke with told her he could fit her in earlier, but the supervisor strongly rejected this notion, as he had just checked his schedule book. In the time my wife had been on hold, someone had surely called in for an appointment, and the earlier slot had filled up. Yeah right.

Anyway, it just continued to get better. After arguing further, my wife stated, "You are obviously lying to me, and have been lying to me for 10 minutes! Just cut the sh*t and give me the earlier appointment." To which the supervisor stated "I will not take you foul language." And then... he hung up on her. That's right, he HUNG UP on my wife. Little did he know that this was a big mistake. Anyone who has dealt with my wife in the past would have realized the gravity of this mistake, especially considering that before he had hung up on her, she had questioned him. During her questioning, she managed to get his name and employee number, as well as the first customer service representative's name and employee number. They were:

Supervisor: Andrew Cole (582938)
Customer Service Rep: Fernando Noguera (579553)

Of course, I may be naive in assuming that the above information is accurate and correct. However, we will soon find out, as my wife will be calling GE first thing in the morning during business hours to begin her complaint assault. We'll see how this will all play out.

As of tonight, I hate GE Appliances Customer Service. We'll see if I hate them as much when this has all been resolved.

Cosby Humor

2006-01-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

I've always liked Bill Cosby. I watched the Cosby Show and Fat Albert growing up, and have enjoyed his comedy in the past. For Christmas, my wife got me Bill Cosby: Himself on DVD. Last night, we watched it, and it was hillarious. I was rolling on the floor laughing. If you are a parent, then rent this movie!

Finally, an Answer to the Phone Tree!!!!

2005-12-29T21:26:00.000-05:00

While untested, I could not resist posting this link, which was forwarded from a friend (thanks K!). Paul English has been kind enough to post cheats to get immediately through virtually every phone tree you could possibly run into. Now I can't wait to make some calls to customer service to test them out!

Conan O'Brien Quote of the Day

2005-12-27T12:45:00.000-05:00

"This week, the Washington, D.C. production of 'The Nutcracker' was cancelled because the dancers went on strike. So once again, our nation's capital waits, paralyzed, a hostage of the all-powerful Ballerina's Union."

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-24T12:45:00.000-05:00

I would like to wish a Merry Christmas to all, especially to our troops overseas, who are fighting for our freedom and the spread of democracy across this world.

To thank our troops yourself, click here.

Christmas Has Come Early

2005-12-23T08:22:00.000-05:00

That's right, Apple has recently added a number of new and exciting movie trailers to their website...

* The DaVinci Code
* Ice Age 2
* Mission Impossible 3
* Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest
* Superman Returns
* X-Men 3

I guess I better start looking for a babysitter now, as the summer of 2006 is going to be busy.

Made in China... Genocide!

2005-12-22T08:42:00.000-05:00

Speaking of things that were made in China, according to the "Genocide" article in my latest issue of National Geographic (yes, I do actually read sometimes), China was responsible for 30,000,000 deaths from approximately 1938 - 1979 under Mao. The article outlined the number of deaths that occurred in various countries throughout the century. China had, by far, the most. USSR, had 20,000,000 under Stalin.

Some other numbers:

* Sudan - 2,850,00 (actually the only country listed that is still mass murdering people today)
* Rwanda - 1,020,000 during the 1990's
* Pakistan - 3,010,000 during the 1960's and 1970's
* Nigeria - 2,000,000 during the 1960's and 1970's
* Germany - 11,400,000 during WWII
* Afghanistan - 1,800,000 during the 1980's
* Iraq - 240,000 mostly during Sadam's reign

For a preview of the article, click here.

A Year Without "Made in China"

2005-12-21T09:37:00.000-05:00

In preparation for Christmas, I can't help but notice all of those little gold stickers. No, not the Hallmark ones. You know, the ones that read "Made in China". I see them everywhere, on toys, on electronics, on clothes.

Here is an interesting article about a family that decided to boycot anything that was made in China over the past year. From the sound of it, this was no small feat.

While I'm certainly not brave enough to boycott everything that is made in China, I must admit that it did bring a smile to my face last night at the store when I noticed that all of the items I bought sported the text "Made in USA".

Sears Hate Subsiding?

2005-12-20T12:56:00.000-05:00

Some of you may recall my recently rant about hating Sears due to a rip-off-scheme involving my Sears credit card. Don't get me wrong, my hate for Sears' credit card terms still remains. However, I have recently gained a newfound respect for Sears, among a handful of other companies, that have been brave enough to do the unthinkable. Yes, that's right, Sears' website has been updated to include the text "We wish you a merry Christmas". Well, what do you know? And, I thought Christmas had been changed to simply "Holiday".

Scared of Santa?

2005-12-07T09:40:00.000-05:00

In honor of the fact that I will be taking my kids to sit on Santa's lap soon, I thought I would post this link. This site features photos of kids that were more scared to sit on Santa's lap than my daughter ever was.

Jack McGee Dies

2005-12-06T15:49:00.000-05:00

For fans of the 1970's Incredible Hulk TV show, you may remember Jack McGee, also known by some as Jack Mummamummeee, who was played by Jack Colvin. Well, I'm sad to bring news of his passing.

Also, for those that don't know already, Pat Morita, who played the role of Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid, recently died, as well.

;-(

Lots of Quizes

2005-12-05T10:40:00.000-05:00

All of these "Which Action Hero Are You" and "Which Napoleon Dynamite Character Are You" quizes have made me curious about what other types of quizes are online. Just searching quickly, here is an, um, interesting one that I found... Do you want to punch babies. Thankfully, I am pleased to say that I do not.

Great Gift Idea!

2005-12-02T09:23:00.000-05:00

Looking for the great Christmas gift for that special someone in your life? Well, why not consider getting them the Polytron. I sure hope someone gets one for me! Nothing says I love you better than a homogenized mouse.

How Ironic

2005-12-02T00:11:00.000-05:00

You scored as Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He's tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it.

Which Action Hero Would You Be?

Order Yours NOW for the Holidays

2005-12-01T09:06:00.000-05:00

For everyone who has ever wanted an original Napoleon Dynamite mosaic built from LEGO's, be sure to check out the eBay auction here.

The New TPS Report Cover Sheet

2005-11-30T09:54:00.000-05:00

Dialog from Office Space (one of the great funny movies of all time)
----------
Dom Portwood: Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.
Dom Portwood: Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this one time. And I've already taken care of it so it's not even a problem anymore.
Dom Portwood: Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!
----------

Don't forget to put the new cover sheet on your TPS Reports. If you lost the memo, you can download the new cover sheet here.

Jumbled Wording

2005-11-29T09:28:00.000-05:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Why I love... LOST #1

2005-11-22T15:40:00.000-05:00

My wife and I have recently begun watching the show LOST. Since we missed it when it began showing on ABC, we have started renting the LOST Season 1 DVD's from Netflix.

LOST is just an excellent show. There's not much more than I can say about it. It's probably one of the best shows that I have seen in a very long time. The show is filmed like a movie, the cast is excellent, and the story is extremely captivating.

For those who have never seen it, I highly recommend checking it out. Just one thing... be sure to watch the episodes in order, as they may not make sense, or you may miss critical details otherwise. After just the first episode, you will probably be hooked. What's more, if you rent the DVD's, you can watch the show commercial free. With each episode boiling down to around 42 minutes or so, you can easily watch two episodes in one sitting. You may even find yourself so enthralled that you want to watch three or four. It's happened to me once or twice.

And You Thought YOU Were Old

2005-11-22T11:45:00.000-05:00

Harriet the Torioise recently celebrated her 175th birthday. Happy birthday, Harriet! I only hope that I look this good when I'm 175.

Living According to the Bible

2005-11-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Have you ever found yourself wondering whether your undergarments adhere to the standards set forth in the Bible? Who hasn't? Well, now there is a website that answers that very question by providing a solid list of Bible-approved undergarments

More Napoleon Fun

2005-11-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

For more Napoleon fun, be sure to visit the Utah State Fair website. Access some funny TV and radio ads from the 'Napoleon's Sweet Ads' menu in the site's sidebar.

Napoleon Dynamite Soundboard

2005-11-18T07:39:00.000-05:00

And, while I'm on the topic of Napoleon Dynamite, be sure to check out the Napoleon Dynamite Soundboard for all of your favorite quotes.

Which Napoleon Dynamite Character Am I?

2005-11-17T23:11:00.000-05:00

See my results...

I am Uncle Rico and could throw a football over them mountains.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?

Rare Animals of North America - Entry #4

2005-11-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

Animal: The land roaming, four tentacled desert squid

Habitat: Can be found in the vast deserts of Kansas and other surrounding states

Size: The size of a small cactus plant

Description: This animal is commonly used as a pet in many Kansas households.

NOTE: NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE CHIRPING OCTOPUS!

Why I hate... Eland Downe

2005-11-10T13:35:00.000-05:00

Eland Downe is a townhome community that is located in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, and owned by Boyd Wilson Company. Since I currently own my own home, you may be asking "Why are you so against Eland Downe?"

Well, years ago, I used to rent a townhome from Eland Downe. In fact, I actually began writing this hate story way back then. However, considering that there was no such thing as a blog at that time, I never really got around to posting it on the Internet.

I have to admit that the anger I feel toward Eland Down has pretty much subsided by now. However, I have decided to post this story anyway, since I was angry enough at the time to start writing it. Besides, I feel that it is good to get these types of stories "out there", so that corporations start realizing their mistakes.

Prior to owning my current home, I rented from Eland Downe for 2 and a half years. While there, I was actually fairly happy with the property itself, which was very well kept. The townhomes themselves were fairly large inside, and the rent seemed reasonable at the time. My hate for Eland Down did not have to do with the quality of the homes in any way. Rather, it had to do with the management of the community, specifically, the property manager, Bonnie Burket, who I grew to see as a self-centered, arrogant, and rude woman.

My first house at Eland Downe was a 2 bedroom townhome. Here, I stayed for a little more than a year, along with my wife and my first daughter. However, the home soon began to grow small for our needs. When our income allowed, we put our names on a waiting list for a larger townhome, complete with a finished basement. After some time, one became available, and we signed a new lease. Upon moving out of our first townhome, and into the new one, we began encountering some problems.

First, we were denied a refund of our security deposit for our first townhome, and were billed a few hundred dollars for professional cleaning of the old house. Of course, we had made sure that the house was in order before we had left, and everything had been thoroughly cleaned. After fighting with Bonnie Burket, the property manager, for weeks, we were refunded about $80 for carpet cleaning, as our lease did not state that we needed to clean our carpets professionally. However, this refund did not come before numerous personal insults by Bonnie about how "our house was not fit for a child to live in." As anyone who knows our family can attest, this was certainly not the case. My wife and I spend a large amount of our precious time keeping our house clean and well maintained. Needless to say, we were out hundreds of dollars, on top of which, we still had to pay a security deposit on our new townhome, for which we had already signed a lease.

Upon moving into the new townhome, we discovered that it was in less than perfect shape. The flooring in the kitchen and bathrooms was dirty, old, and worn. It should have been replaced before we moved in, but had not been. After calling Bonnie to address the problem, we were again given a difficult time. Bonnie did finally agree to replace it, though not for several weeks. When the mainenance workers finally began to replace the flooring, it meant that everything had to be moved out of our kitchen, only a month after we had just moved it in. Over several days, the flooring was replaced in our kitchen and front hallway. The bathrooms were not completed, but we were assured that they would be fixed within a reasonable amount of time. Well, nine months later, the job had yet to be completed.

Along with the flooring problem, there were several other things that had gone unfixed after numerous requests, including a broken door on our refrigerator, a leaky roof, a leaky basement, and several other things.

After eight months of living in our new townhome, we were surprised to learn that the tenants that lived next door had been mysteriously let out of their lease early on their request, without penalty. Shortly, we found out why. Over several weeks, the house next door underwent major rennovations. Virtually EVERYTHING in the home was replaced, including the entire front of the house, the blinds, lights, carpet, appliances, deck, everything. Then, late one night, at 11:30 PM, when our daughter was sleeping in her front bedroom, or, shall I say, trying to sleep, Bonnie moved into her new townhome right next door.

Shortly after moving in, Bonnie was kind enough to provide us with notice that she was exercising her right not to renew our lease at the end of the current year. No reason was given.

While living at Eland Downe, we had always paid our rent on time, and never violated any of the rules of our lease. Again, the property was nice, and, overall, we enjoyed our stay there. My main problem was with Bonnie, who managed the property. So, perhaps the title for this entry should be "Why I hate... Bonnie Burket".

Why I love... Cherchies

2005-11-09T12:52:00.000-05:00

Cherchies Champagne Mustard is, perhaps, the best mustard I have ever tasted. While excellent on sandwiches, it also makes a delicious dip for cheeses of all types. If you've never tried it before, I highly recommend it. You can find it in various gourmet stores, as well as online.

The Llama Song

2005-11-08T19:58:00.000-05:00

For all of those llama lovers out there, be sure to learn The Llama Song well.

Why Bo Ba Log Hates... Overstock.com #1

2005-11-08T14:50:00.000-05:00

Bo Ba Log has posted a nice little horror story about a recent experience with Overstock.com. Given Bo Ba Log's experience, I think that I will stay away from ordering anything from Overstock.com. Click here to read the main story. Click here to read a followup to the initial story.

Have You Shaved Your Yeti Lately?

2005-11-04T21:40:00.000-05:00

Ever wanted to shave a Yeti? Who hasn't. Click here to get your Yeti shaving fix for the day. Be sure to shave off all of his fur, if you want to see him dance.

Flatulence Education

2005-11-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

For a good lesson on farts and flatulence, check out this website. Here, you will find a nice overview of what makes up a fart, who farts the most, information about animal farts and lighting farts on fire, etiquette, acoustics, and much, much more.

Yoda Raps

2005-11-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

For all those who rushed out this week to pick up the Star Wars Episode 3 DVD, and you know who you are, be sure to check out the rapping and dancing Yoda easter egg. Go to the the language and sound setup area on disk 1. Next, highlight the THX logo, and enter 1138 on your remote. On my remote, I actually had to press enter efter each number.

Why I hate... Sears #1

2005-11-02T12:05:00.000-05:00

It's a shame. I used to like Sears. I've bought many large ticket items from them over the years - my washer, dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, tractor, video camera, big-screen TV, and more. However, it seems that they have now gone by the wayside with a scam that absolutely infuriates me.

I have 2 Sears cards, one in my name, and one in my wife's name. Several months ago, I purchased a tractor from Sears on my card. The reason I did this was because Sears was offering a generous 0% interest rate until January of 2006. At the time, I had no other balance on the card, so this would work out well. I could pay a little each month, and pay the tractor off before the interest began accruing.

A couple of months later, I received an appealing balance transfer offer from Sears, which would allow me to transfer a balance from another creditor to my Sears card, at a rate of 3.9% until that balance was paid off. The terms of this transfer read...

----------
We allocate your payments and credits in a way that is most favorable or convenient for us, which may include allocating such payments and credits to pay off low APR balances before higher APR balances and allocating payments or credits to pay off longer promotional period APR balances before shorter promotional period APR balances. That means your savings may be reduced by making transactions that are subject to higher APR or shorter promotional periods.
----------

So, according to this, it appeared that, since my tractor was at 0% interest, it would be paid off first, and then the balance transfer amount would be paid off at a rate of 3.9%. This was not the case. In this month's bill, I noticed that my payment from last month was actually credited toward the 3.9% balance. Therefore, my tractor at 0% was not being paid down at all.

I have had similar situations with other creditors in the past, and the solution has always been to simply call the creditor, and request that my payments be allocated toward a balance at a specific interest rate. Since my wife pays our bills, she called Sears in order to make such a request.

Upon successfully navigating the phone tree, my wife reached a customer service representative. She made her inquiry, but was told the following. First, Sears will not allow you to designate to which balances your payment is allocated. Second, Sears allocates payment toward the lowest APR. However, since 0% is not technically an APR, it does not count. Of course, they never bother to tell you this when you purchase something at 0% interest or when you make a balance transfer. I won't event spend the time to expand on the fact that it actually took several phone calls and rude customer service representatives to determine all of this.

So, what this boils down to is that Sears has trapped me into paying off my 3.9% balance before I am able to pay off my 0% balance. What's more, if I do not pay off both balances by January, 2006, then I will begin paying interest at a rate of around 22-25% on the tractor, which my payments will still not go toward until the 3.9% balance is paid in full. To me, this reeks of a bait and switch scheme. Of course, what do I know. I'm just a lowly customer.

Bottom line. I'm transferring my Sears balances somewhere else, closing both of my Sears cards, and I won't be purchasing any big ticket items from them anymore. Sorry Sears, but you have lost a very loyal customer.

Ugh!

2005-11-02T11:07:00.000-05:00

My "Why I hate" list is about to get longer. Stay tuned.

Maybe I should just set up a blog dedicated to customer service horror stories. If anyone is interested, feel free to send me your horror stories for posting.

It has arrived!

2005-10-31T22:13:00.000-05:00

My R2-D2 snack bowl, that is. How surprised was I to return home from trick or treating tonight with my kids, only to find a package waiting for me on my doorstep. After quickly tearing it opened, I found my new favorite snack bowl waiting for me. What's more, it beeps and lights up, just like the real R2-D2. I didn't realize it would do that. Excellent. Now, I just need some snacks.

Why I hate... Verizon #5

2005-10-31T10:16:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought it was safe to get back on the phone...

Back by popular demand, here is a brand new Verizon hate story. I actually received an email from someone today complaining about an issue that they had with Verizon. Here is the actual text of their complaint...

----------
I just looked at my Verizon phone bill and there is a paragraph on page 5 that says:

When you provide a check, you authorize us either to use information from your check to make a one-time electronic fund transfer from your account or to process this transaction as a check. If you wish to be excluded from this process, please call 888-500-5358.

Of course, when I called the number I got a message that said we are too busy to take you call. Call back later.

I find it absolutely absurd that they are going to make direct withdrawals from my checking account unless I call them and specifically instruct them not to do so. I have better things to get pissed about then this BS.
----------

See. Even though I don't use Verizon anymore (other than $6.95/per month for my dial-up Internet service), there are still plenty of reasons to hate them. ;-)

Of course, there are a lot of other companies doing this, as well.

A Halloween Treat

2005-10-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

How happy was I tonight, while standing in line at Target, to glance over and see a nice stack of Boo Berry cereal boxes? Well, I can tell you. I was very happy. I left the items I was purchasing on the belt, ran to the display, snagged a box, and bought it. Now, tomorrow morning, I will taste the fruits of my endeavor. What's more, I'll have the pleasure of introducing such a wonderful blue cereal to my two young children, who have never had the rare opportunity to try it themselves.

If you're as big a Boo Berry fan as me, you may want to check out some of these sites:

The Unofficial Boo Berry Website
The Boo Berry Worship Cult

Itchy Stuff

2005-10-28T08:04:00.000-04:00

As you are probably already aware, my mom was bitten by a dog and a cat this week. Not to take away from that, but she also had a horrible case of Poison Ivy, which has been lingering on for quite some time.

So, I thought that this might be a good time to mention the Poison Ivy Hall of Fame. For those that are squemish, I would strongly recommend AGAINST visiting this site. For those with strong stomachs, you can view the Poison Ivy Hall of Fame here. Beware, this site is pretty disgusting. Although, it can make what one might think of as a bad case of Poison Ivy not look quite so bad anymore.

Uncle Sam's Sad, Sad Song

2005-10-27T13:52:00.000-04:00

"I once went swimming in the ocean;
I once went swimming in the sea;
Oh, YEAH!
And, I once went swimming in the ocean;
Right now...
And, I want my money for the bank."

- Uncle Sam (circa 1980's)

Rare Animals of North America - Entry #3

2005-10-25T14:16:00.000-04:00

Animal: The hermit moose

Habitat: Heavily wooded areas throughout North America

Size: The size of a large African elephant, or larger

Diet: Camp fires and tent poles

Description: When camping in North America, forget not to bring along your hermit moose spray, for a small campsite can be easily overcome by one of these large beasts. Though friendly, an occasional hermit moose can crush a slow camper unknowingly.

Animal Bites

2005-10-24T18:28:00.000-04:00

My poor mother. She always seems to have the worst luck, and it all comes at once. I actually think I may have inherited that trait from her. Anyway, I spoke with her today, and found that last night, she was somehow bitten by both a dog and a cat, at the same time. She went to the emergency room, and thankfully is going to be okay. However, she is still in a lot of pain.

This picture is my 9 year old's rendition of the event. Some additional animals, including a snake, a bird, and a fish, were added to enhance the effect. In addition, my stepfather can be seen in the background, being terrorized by birds, including a state bird. Note my mom's shirt, which reads "I love lima beans". Click on the picture for a larger view.

Why I hate... Verizon #4

2005-10-21T10:54:00.000-04:00

After giving this whole cancellation issue some more though, I now have a new reason to hate Verizon. Here's why...

The woman from Verizon Wireless, whom I spoke with today to cancel my service, was very nice... a little too nice, if you catch my drift. I now suspect that she was actually ONLY responsible for handling cancellations. Now, it all makes sense. Verizon hires people who are very softspoken and nice, gives them carefully worded scripts for various scenarios, and coaches them to deal with the many irate people who want to cancel their service. This also explains why they have an option for "If you want to discontinue your service, press 3" in their phone tree... to ensure that you make it to the proper type of representative.

So, it seems that as an actual customer, when you call Verizon for assistance or service, you get the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel, rude, arrogant, and ignorant people, who don't really listen to your concerns and offer you little, if any help. Only when you call to cancel your service with them do you get to talk with a kind and friendly representative, who is just crafty enough to probably get a lot of people to decide not to cancel their service. Those people that do decide not to cancel their service because of the great customer service they got when they called to cancel are then quickly sucked back into the black hole of Verizon service. Once they've decided to stay, and renewed their contract, it's back to the bad customer service again. This all reeks of a very sneaky bait and switch.

So, for anyone who is using Verizon as their wireless carrier, here's a pointer. The next time you need customer service, rather than navigating the standard phone tree and reaching an unhelpful representative, just act like you're going to cancel your service, and follow that part of the phone tree instead. Just maybe, you will reach someone who is nice, and will be willing to actually listen to your problem. Whether they will try to help you since you are not actually canceling, or whether they will transfer you back to a "normal" customer service representative, is another question.

Verizon Cancellation Update... #2

2005-10-21T09:44:00.000-04:00

It is done. An 18 minute and 44 second phone call has FINALLY resulted in the cancellation of my Verizon Wireless cell phone account.

Interestingly, the woman that spoke with me on the phone was actually very kind and helpful. She listened to me explain several of the issues that I've had with Verizon, genuinely seemed to express concern over them, and made various offers to resolve them. Regardless, I cancelled my service with them anyway. Perhaps if they had tried a little harder to keep me as a customer when I was actually a customer, rather than waiting until I was so angry that I wanted to cancel my service with them, I might have reconsidered.

So, I am proud to say that I no longer a Verizon Wireless customer. I cancelled my regular phone service and DSL service with Verizon years ago, due to dozens of other problems and issues. The only thing that I use Verizon for right now is for my dial-up Internet service, which runs 6.95 per month. I may even cancel that before too much longer. Of course, MCI, my phone carrier, was recently bought by Verizon. So, I may need to find a new phone carrier again soon.

Verizon Cancellation Update... #1

2005-10-20T14:09:00.000-04:00

According to my records, today is officially 2 years since my Verizon Wireless contract went into effect. So, I called Verizon today to cancel my service.

How fitting that their phone tree actually has an option for people interested in canceling their service. "To discontinue your service, press 3." This indicates that so many people are canceling service with them, that it is more efficient to include a cancellation option in the phone tree than to pass people right through to an operator.

Anyway, after selecting the cancellation option, reaching an operator, notifying her that I wanted to cancel my service, being asked why I was canceling, and going on a long dissertation about problems I was having with Verizon, I was finally notified that I could not cancel my contract today.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Your contract actually expires at midnight tonight. If you want to cancel today, then you will be billed the $175 early cancellation fee. Of course, you could try to find someone else to transfer the plan to instead, to avoid the fee."

"No, I'll just call back tomorrow."

And that's how it went. Stay tuned for future updates.

Why I love... Revlon #1

2005-10-20T00:27:00.000-04:00

Revlon makes damn good nail clippers. I don't know what it is about them, but they are far superior to all other brands of nail clippers that I have ever tried. I cut my nails tonight with what I thought were my beloved and prized pair of Revlon nail clippers, only to find that they were a different brand. Needless to say, my nails felt like crap during the trim, and now my nails are all rough and scratchy. Oh, how I wish I had used my Revlon nail clippers. I love them!

Why I hate... Verizon #3

2005-10-19T09:10:00.000-04:00

How do I hate thee Verizon, let me count the ways... 1... 2... 3...

As you may know, from some of my previous posts (1, 2), I currently have a cell phone account with Verizon. Luckily, my contract is due to expire within a few days, and I will be canceling the service and sticking with T-Mobile instead. Yay. Anyway, here is yet another reason why I hate Verizon, and am canceling my service with them.

One day, about a year and a half ago, I was driving to visit a client in north New Jersey. I was happily zipping along on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, just about to cross the river into New Jersey, when my cell phone began to ring. Assuming that it was probably a client, or my wife, I answered it. It was a woman from Verizon wireless. Here is a rough transcript of the call, as I remember it a year and a half later...

"Hello, this is SO-and-SO with Verizon wireless. I'm calling regarding your wife's cell phone."

"Yes?"

"We've noticed that her phone is an older phone, and we want to know if you are interested in upgrading to a new phone?"

"Uh, I'm driving right now."

"Blah, blah, blah... here's why you should upgrade. Blah, blah, blah... this. Blah, blah, blah... that."

"Not interested. Bye."

There was, obviously, much more to this call than I can remember now. After the call, I began thinking about how Verizon wireless could have gotten my cell phone number, since the phone they had called me on was actually my T-Mobile phone. After much consideration, here is what I was able to discern.

The woman from Verizon decided to tele-market me to try to get me to upgrade my old phone. She called me at home first, but I wasn't home. So, she decided to try me on my Verizon cell phone. Unbeknownst to her, I had designated this phone as my wife's cell phone, but it was still in my name. My wife didn't answer the phone when she called. Instead, voicemail picked up. The voicemail asked the caller to leave a message, but also provided my phone number, in case a client still had my old cell phone number, and needed to reach me. So, it seemed, this woman from Verizon had tracked me down like a dog. I now call her the Bounty Hunter Woman from Verizon.

A few months ago, I began receiving more calls from the Bounty Hunter Woman from Verizon, this time, in my home office. How did she get that number, you may be asking? Well, obviously... she called my Verizon phone number again, got my wife's voicemail, got my T-Mobile cell phone number from the voicemail prompt, called my T-Mobile cell-phone, got my voicemail, and finally got my office phone number from my voicemail prompt. After several annoying calls, a lot of yelling and arguing, and finally putting her on the phone with my wife, the Bounty Hunter Woman from Verizon stopped calling me. I have not heard from her since.

So, another reason that I hate Verizon is because they hire sales people who are bold enough to track you down like a dog, only to make a sales pitch.

The Fable of the Nut Gathering Squirrel

2005-10-18T14:45:00.000-04:00

Long ago, in a far away land, there lived a little squirrel. The squirrel's name was Travis, and he lived with his mother and father high in a tree.

One day, Travis went out to gather nuts for the week. He wandered far and wide. Finally, he came upon the largest walnut tree he had ever seen. The walnuts were as big as baseballs. Travis licked his lips. His mind began to envision the feast that he would soon enjoy. As he climbed the tree, he filled with excitement.

Travis soon reached a branch that looked like it had the largest and the best walnuts. As he ventured out onto the limb, Travis lost his footing and fell down into the meandering stream that ran below the tree. The current quickly sucked him under and his lungs filled up with water.

Travis' carcass floated downstream until it was fished out by a big grizzly bear. He then became a small meal for the ferocious beast.

The End

The moral of the story is don't count your walnuts while you are in the tree.

Annoying Product of the Day

2005-10-17T09:03:00.000-04:00

Siljans! Need I say more?

Elevator Doors

2005-10-13T09:10:00.000-04:00

Elevator doors, it seldom can be said,
Close early today, and crushed my little head.

Why I Hate... Valley Forge OBGYN #1

2005-10-12T10:44:00.000-04:00

You may be wondering why I could possibly hate an OBGYN office, especially considering that I am not a woman. I do, in fact, have a very good reason, and somehow, it relates to telephones yet again. Perhaps I should move to a remote himalayan mountain village, with no telephone access.

Anyway, a few years back, when I was setting up my home office, I had a new office phone line installed. Excited to promote my new office phone number, I had business cards printed, complete with the new number, advertised the number on my website, distributed it to clients, and more. Over the years, people have grown to know this as my office phone number, and changing it would mean a major effort on my part to update countless existing documents, notify lots of people, change various websites, etc.

Shortly after my acquisition of this new office phone number, I began receiving phone random calls at all hours of the day and night. Upon answering such calls, I was surprised to find, rather than a person's voice, the loud screeching of a fax machine. EEEEOWWWW... EEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW. Ahh!

At first, the calls were fairly infrequent, which is why I did not switch my phone number immediately. However, the calls began to come more and more often, sometimes even in the middle of the night. How could I resolve this issue? I tried contacting the phone company, only to be told that there was not much that they could do about fax calls, as they didn't really constitute telemarketing. I'm on the national and state-wide do not call lists, by the way. The fax calls were also usually unlisted, and therefore did not appear on my caller ID. Unfortunately, many of my client's phone numbers don't show up on my caller ID either. Therefore, I have no choice but to answer the phone, regardless of what the caller ID reads.

One day, I had an idea. I realized that, after receiving many calls of this nature, there was a pattern. The phone would ring, and I would answer. EEEEOWWWW... EEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW. I would hang up. Several minutes later, the phone would ring again, and I would answer. EEEEOWWWW... EEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW. So, it seemed that the stupid fax machines, after not connecting, would try again a few minutes later. Sometimes, they would even try again, and again, and again.

As an experiment, I decided to keep an extra phone line next to my computer, which was configured to download incoming faxes if it were plugged into the phone line. The next time I received a fax call, I got ready. A few minutes after hanging up, I received a second call with no caller ID. I quickly plugged my computer into the line, only to downloaded a fax.

Initially, these faxes proved to be nothing more than annoying spam faxes, geared toward the medical profession, and included things such as physician health care updates, medical investment seminar notifications, stock specials, and more. Most of these faxes also had phone numbers at the bottom, which could be called to unsubscribe from the fax list. I began calling the numbers, requesting that I be unsubscribed. Over time, this began cutting down on the calls a little.

One day, however, I received a fax that was not spam. Rather, it was a fax from one doctor's office to another. But it wasn't just a typical fax. It was actually test results for a patient, and included all varieties of confidential patient information, including the patient's name, birth date, address, phone number, and even social security number. Unfortunately, no cover page was included, so I had no idea of the doctor's office to which the fax was intended. I tried several methods of finding this out, including calling some of the numbers on the fax for the sender. However, these all proved to be dead ends. Either, the doctor office I reached didn't know anything about the fax, or they didn't care that it had been sent to me by accident. I even contemplated calling the patient, as I had their phone number, but decided against it.

Following this initial fax, I began receiving similar faxes now and then, from various doctor's offices. These faxes have contained everything from ultrasound results to mammogram results. Very confidential stuff. Like putting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together, I was able to begin to figure out what was happening, a task which proved more difficult than one might expect. Apparently, Valley Forge OBGYN used to have my office number as their main fax number. Several years ago, they changed their fax number. However, they neglected to let a lot of people know about it, including various physician directory services, which provide the number to other doctor's offices.

I tried, several times, to contact the senders of these faxes. Time and again, these offices were unhelpful, and either didn't know anything about the faxes, or didn't care that it had happened. A frequently response was simply, "Okay, we'll update our records. Thanks for the call." No one even seemed to care that I had their patient's social security numbers.

I also tried calling Valley Forge OBGYN, and was told that they had never had my phone number as their fax number, and that they didn't know anything about the problem.

Finally, I decided to contact HIPAA about the problem. Needless to say, they were very concerned. They asked me to send them copies of all faxes received to date, which I did. They followed up with all of the senders, began issuing warnings, and began working with them to resolve the problem. Over time, the number of faxes I receive has declined significantly. However, every now and then, I do still receive one. When I do, I don't even bother to call the sender. I send it straight to HIPAA.

So, in closing, kudos to HIPAA, in particular Kathleen (you know who you are), who has helped me in my time of need. And, BOO and HISS to Valley Forge OBGYN, and to all of the other doctor's offices involved in this mess. Shame on you for not caring about your patient's privacy, and for wasting my valuable time.

Why I Hate... Telephone Customer Service #1

2005-10-06T22:40:00.000-04:00

As I sit here today, still waiting for my latest MCI problem to be resolved, I feel the need to explain why I hate telephone customer service so very much. Over the past week or two, I have had the pleasure of spending a fair amount of my valuable time on the phone with customer service representatives from various companies, including Verizon and MCI, attempting to resolve problems caused by those very companies themselves.

THE PROBLEM

This problem with telephone customer service extends far beyond the two companies mentioned above, although they are certainly very large culprits. This is a major problem that has been growing ever rampant within our society today. The following are the areas of greatest concern, as I see them...

1) The Phone Tree - Oh, how I hate the phone tree. There appear to be three species of phone trees, one that will respond to voice commands, one that will respond to touchtone commands, and one that will respond to either voice or touchtone commands. In my experience, none of these species of phone trees seems to function as expected.

During a recent phone call to a company that shall remain nameless, I was asked by the phone tree to speak or type my 75 million digit account number into the phone. I thought, well, rather than typing this long number in, let me just read it to the phone tree. Of course, after reciting the entire account number, I was told by the phone tree "I'm sorry, I misunderstood the number you provided. Please speak your account number again, or type it into the phone." Typing it in seemed to fix the problem.

During another call, I was asked to speak the word "Billing" to talk with the billing department. After doing so, and waiting for 15-20 minutes, I was transferred by the helpful phone tree to the technical support department, who was kind enough to dump me back to the phone tree as my punishment for reaching the incorrect department.

In some cases, regardless of the species of phone tree, nothing seems to work right. Sometimes, simply pressing a random series of keys, or pressing zero or pound repeatedly will confuse the phone tree. Now and then, if you're lucky, this will actually get you through to someone whose job is to help the people who are too dumb to navigate the phone tree. Other times, it will simply disconnect you.

Even if you are skilled enough to successfully navigate the dreaded phone tree, you must be careful. For, if you inadvertently anger the phone tree, your call will be promptly terminated, and you will need to start again.

2) Hold Times - Regardless of the company, you will most likely find yourself on hold after you have successfully navigated the phone tree. In some cases, you will be notified how long you will need to wait. For example, "Your approximate wait time is 500 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds." When put on hold, you are naturally under the assumption that you were placed into some kind of magical queue, and that calls are taken in the order they were received. Well, if you have ever called from more than one phone, you will find that this does not actually seem to be the case. On some occasions, I've been on hold for a while, called from a second phone, and been put through faster.

Even if you reach a human, you are frequently put on hold again and again, while they look up your account information, get a cup of coffee, talk about the idiot they have on the line that just spent 25 minutes navigating the phone tree.

3) Hold Music - I can't help but wonder if it's someone's job to determine which music should be played while you are on hold. If so, then this person must be in the witness relocation program, or something similar, as I'm sure that they would be receiving death threats on a daily basis. Hold music is almost always too loud, and it's just annoying enough to bore into your brain and almost drive you to the point of insanity, without actually doing so.

4) Customer Service Representatives - Where companies find their customer service representatives is beyond me. I've worked in customer service before, and I know that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand how to talk to a customer, listen to a customer, and HELP a customer. However, it almost always seems like they just don't care. The chances of getting a customer service representative that does care are slimmer than winning the lottery. In most cases, the customer service representatives are rude, unable to comprehend your needs, not smart enough to help you themselves, and just plain obnoxious. Most of the time, they act like they're doing you a favor by talking with you.

And, then there's the customer service reps that don't speak English, or they speak a very incomprehensible version of the English dialect. Only too many times do I reach a customer service representative with a thick Indian or middle-eastern accent. This only wastes more of your time on the phone, as you need to be even more clear about your inquiry, and frequently need to repeat things over and over and over and over again.

5) Supervisors - In many cases, it's best to just ask for a supervisor. However, this usually results in more time waiting on hold, and the supervisors are usually less helpful than you might hope. Take my recent problem with MCI. I have now spoken with 2 different supervisors, both of whom seemed very nice, and willing to really listen to what I had to say. However, has my problem been resolved? As of today, no. It seems that these supervisors were great at listening to the problem. But, they weren't so great at resolving the problem, or even getting back to me to let me know the status of my problem.

THE RECAP

The bottom line is companies that implement these hassle plagued telephone customer service systems do not really seem to care about their customers. Do they care that their customers are confused by their lengthy phone trees? No. Do they care that their customers spend a large amount of time navigating their phone trees? No. Do they care that their customers' time is valuable too? No. Do they care that their customer service representatives are rude, obnoxious, and unhelpful? Maybe. But, if they do, they certainly aren't taking many steps to resolve the problem. Sure, they may fire someone ore reprimand them. However, they just replace one idiot with another.

THE SOLUTION

Here are some tips for those companies that are responsible for this mess. Organize your phone tree. Spend some time trying to navigate it yourself, using voice and/or keystroke commands. Train your freakin customer service
representatives. Instill the following golden rule - "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!". Train them to really listen to the customers, rather than always assuming they know what they are calling about. Train them to understand how the customer feels. Train them to make the customer feel happy. Analyze your hold times. If people are on hold for more than 30 seconds, it is too long. Consider taking steps to circumvent this problem. Oh, I don't know, maybe if you can't take a call right now, take the customer's number and call them back. While the customer may not get service immediately, at least they won't be wasting their own valuable time on hold.

Enough said for now. I need to get off this topic. It's just making me angrier and angrier.

Tonight on NOVA... Did Someone Say Wiedman Bug?

2005-10-04T22:42:00.000-04:00

Some of you may be familiar with the term "Weidman Bug", from various conversations with me over the years. However, few have yet to actually see one... until now. Here is a picture of the mystical Weidman Bug, as it swarms around my bathroom window.

Never actually caught on camera until now, these unusual creatures are native only to my yard, and commonly make their way into the warmth of my home at various times throughout the year. Named for the previous owners of my home, these strange little bugs don't cause any physical harm. However, they do serve as quite a nuisance, as they are heard buzzing back and forth, fluttering out of control around one's head and near various light fixtures. When caught, they emit a most unpleasant odor, one which smells reminiscent of antifreeze.

Truth be told, while not dangerous, they are certainly terrifying little creatures.

My Soon to Be Latest Addition

2005-10-04T12:00:00.000-04:00

ATTENTION EVERYONE - A very cool R2-D2 snack bowl is available from Kelloggs Crispix cereal. Get yours today while supplies last. I've ordered mine.

Napoleon Dynamite Sequel

2005-10-03T21:38:00.000-04:00

There has been some talk on the Internet about whether or not a Napoleon Dynamite sequel would be a good idea. Jon Heder has said that he would consider playing Napoleon again, if the right script came along. Well, here are some ideas for what I think might make a good sequel. So, if anyone from Fox Searchlight, MTV Films, or Paramount is reading this, here's your script treatment...

Main Characters:

Napoleon Dynamite, Uncle Rico, Kip Dynamite, LaFawnduh Lucas, Deb, Grandma, Pedro Sanchez, Tina

Plot:

Napoleon and Pedro are now college age, and they work in an ice cream shop in their hometown in Idaho. The ice cream shop is small, and it is attached to a local farm. The milk for the ice cream actually comes from cows that are milked by hand right behind the ice cream parlor. A sign hanging behind the counter states that all of the ice cream is made using 1%.

Napoleon still lives with his Grandma, and spends a lot of his free time drawing cartoons for an underground comic book that he's trying to publish. He has a few subscribers, one of which is Pedro. His comic book focuses mainly on adventures involving rare and mystical animals.

Taking an interest in photography from hanging out with Deb, Napoleon recently purchased a used camera with some of the money made from his job in the ice cream parlor. Photography is now one of his new skills. He carries his camera with him everywhere, hanging around his neck, and takes pictures of everything.

Deb now works in a parking lot photo mat outside of a local mall. Napoleon frequently visits her, when he drives up on his bike to drop off film to be developed. He frequently pulls handfuls of film from his zipped up pockets, and places them on the counter in stacks. He always pays with change.

Kip and LaFawnduh are now married, and live together somewhere in an urban ghetto. Kip fits right into the neighborhood. After purchasing a lotto ticket, and winning, Kip comes into a large sum of money, which is spent on an enormous rapper-style house, a Hummer, and lots of gold bling. Even the Hummer is fitted with gold chains.

Uncle Rico is currently a Mary Kay sales man, and he still drives his van. He continues to scheme about various money making opportunities, and even tries to put up his Mary Kay fliers in the ice cream shop in which Napoleon and Pedro work.

Later in the movie, Pedro leaves to join the army, a move that greatly upsets Napoleon. However, ultimately, Pedro goes to war in a foreign country, is placed on the front lines, and wins medals for his bravery on the battlefield.

Napoleon and Deb continue to grow closer through regular conversations at the photo mat. Eventually, Napoleon suggests that they get married. Deb agrees that this is a good idea. To everyone's surprise, Pedro returns from war and arrives at the wedding, just in time to be the best man. He walks in wearing his military uniform, complete with all of his medals.

Why I hate... Verizon #2

2005-09-29T23:27:00.000-04:00

When I think it's not possible to hate Verizon more, they always come through and find a way. Here's a story about one of my most recent Verizon experiences. Be patient, this one's long, but it's a doozy.

A long time ago, in my first apartment far, far away... I signed up with my first ISP. It was Verizon. This account provided me with email and web space, and I eventually set up my first website. Over time, other sites began linking to my website, and it began to appear in search engines. To this day, it's still there. Despite my move to high-speed Internet through another ISP, I have retained my Verizon account, mainly as a forwarding mechanism to drive more traffic to my main website. I also use it for dial-up access in the rare eventuality that I am unable to find a high-speed connection when traveling.

Since my Verizon account is a dial-up account, and it is so rarely used, several years ago, I switched from the $19.95 per month plan, to a much more comfortable $6.95 per month plan. This new plan gave me all the great features I had previously, but with access limited to 6 hours per month, which is way more than I will ever need. This account is also wired directly into my bank card, and my payment is automatically debited each month from my checking account, eliminating any work whatsoever on my part... until last month.

For several years, I have been strumming along happily in my everyday life, noticing once per month that $6.95 is deducted from my checking account. There's nothing like a little consistency to make you feel good. However, last month, something broke that consistency. I noticed that, rather than a deduction of $6.95, Verizon had debited $12.33. Naturally being a curious person, I logged into my Verizon account online, to see if I could determine why I was billed more. Had my plan cost increased? Had I been double billed? Hmmm. I knew that I hadn't received a notice of any billing changes. As expected, I found nothing helpful on Verizon's website. I considered calling them, but decided against it to avoid being on hold forever to inquire about such a minimal amount. Instead, I decided to email them through the website. Now, I just needed to sit back, and wait until they emailed me with the answer to my problem.

After a day or so, on September 1st, I received a response from Verizon. Unfortunately, as expected, it was not the answer I was looking for. Here's the text from the email...

PLEASE NOTE: No names have been changed to protect the innocent.
----------
Dear Sir,

Thank you for your recent email. We appreciate your inquiry and understand your concerns. Unfortunately, we are unable to resolve this issue via email. In order to assist you, we request that you please contact our Billing office at 1-800-567-6789. This office is open 8am to 6pm Monday through Friday. We apologize for any inconvenience and look forward to helping resolve your issue.

Sincerely,

Dean Happel
Customer Service Representative
Verizon Online Broadband Sales and Services Center
----------
After a long sigh, and possibly a grunt, I decided that I would have to give them a call. So, I did. After a "brief" walk through the phone tree, I was notified that my approximate wait time would be 21 minutes. Who did they think I was? This was how they could assist me? I don't think so. I had other things of much greater importance to deal with. So, I hung up the phone and sent them a response to their email. This was my response...
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Dean,

Thank you for your response. I just tried to call Verizon at the number you provided, and was told by the automated system that my approximate wait time would be 21 minutes. I'm sure that you can understand that my time is valuable, and I cannot sit on hold waiting for Verizon to answer a question about a billing issue that they invoked without explanation. Therefore, I request that you call me in the office at xxx.xxx.xxxx to better assist me. I am available in my home office from 9 - 5 Monday through Friday.

I look forward to hearing from you.
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This week, here I sat, almost a month later, with no response. So, I decided to follow up with them again by sending them another email. This was my second email, which was sent on September 26th, at 9:47 AM...
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Dear Billing Services,

I would like a call back regarding this issue. It has been almost a month since my last email to you, with no response!

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
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On September 27th, at 10:04 PM, I finally received a response. Here is what it said...
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Thank you for your recent e-mail message. We regret that we are unable to resolve your matter via email. We will attempt to contact you within the next 3 business days between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. EST at the number you provided. You may also contact us at 1-800-567-6789, and speak with the Billing department. We look forward to speaking with you.

Verizon Online is committed to delivering high-quality Internet service. Please know that while you're enjoying your Verizon Online Internet service, we'll be working hard to keep your business.

Sincerely,

Dean Happel
Customer Service Representative
Verizon Online Broadband Sales and Services Center
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As of today, September 29th, at 11 PM, I have not received a call from Verizon.

In the meantime, a couple of days ago, my wife decided to take matters into her own hands. She gave Verizon a call. Immediately, she entered the phone tree, and was instructed "To reach the billing department, say BILLING", and she did... only, she didn't get the billing department. After being on hold for 15 minutes, she got a technical support specialist, who told her he couldn't help her, and would transfer her to billing. 15 minutes later, she got a second technical support specialist, who told her the same thing. 45 minutes into her call, she finally got someone in billing, a woman. However, the woman told my wife that she could not help her, as she only handled DSL billing, and could not answer a question about billing for a dial-up account. Later, we came to find that this was not the case. Anyway, the woman put my wife on hold again, to check on something. About this time, I came into the room, and stated... "Are you still on hold? This is bull-sh*t!" What I didn't know, and what my wife didn't know, was that the billing woman had come back on the line. She heard what I said, laughed, and dumped my wife BACK INTO THE PHONE TREE AGAIN!!!

That was the last straw. I got on one phone, and my wife got on another. We both entered the phone tree again. I pressed buttons frantically to try to bypass the menus, while my wife made strange sounds to try to confuse the voice recognition system. First, I was disconnected. The second time, I made it into the queue, and was told my wait time was 10 minutes. My wife had actually also made into the queue before me, but somehow her wait time was 20 minutes. Okay, this was worth it. I waited. Finally, I got someone... another technical support specialist. I started yelling immediately. For those that know me, it takes A LOT to get me to yell, particularly to yell at someone that I don't know. Anyway, the gentleman I got was very kind. He sympathized with my story, and with the fact that, combined, my wife and I had been on hold for over 1 and a half hours, and had still not spoken with anyone about our problem. This kind individual even offered to contact billing for me, and wait on the line with me until I could speak with someone directly. Unfortunately, the billing department would be closed in 10 minutes, and the wait time to talk with someone was about 20. Rather than wait on hold any longer to find out that the office was now closed and I would be unable to resolve the problem, I was advised to call back the next day. While angry and completely drained, I had received as much help as I could possibly receive. Before hanging up the phone, I made one last request, for the phone number of the corporate office, to lodge a complaint. It was provided to me immediately, along with an understanding apology.

The next day, my wife began calling the corporate office. Immediately, she got through. She explained the entire situation, and the woman she spoke with was very kind. She offered to contact billing directly, and have them call her back. My wife hung up and waited. A little while later, she received a phone call back from the corporate office. She was given the name and phone number of a woman in billing, who should be calling soon. My wife waited. No call. Finally, the phone rang, and it was the woman from billing. Of course, my wife was out at that time. I took the woman's name and phone number, and told her that my wife would call her back shortly. She did, when she returned, and got the woman's voicemail. She left a message, and waited for the woman to call her back.

Next day. My wife had still not heard from billing. She called the corporate office back, and spoke to the woman to whom she had originally spoken. The woman stated that billing told her they had called and explained the problem to us. They had not. To make a long story, well, less long, here's how it ended...

The woman at the corporate office lodged our complaint, acknowledged that Verizon had been receiving a lot of complaints about wait times, and promised that they would investigate the woman that dumped my wife back into the phone chain. The woman in billing did finally call back. Apparently, last month, the credit card linked to my account was replaced with a new card, as it was nearing its expiration date. At this time, I logged into my account and updated my credit card information. However, for some reason, Verizon decided to bill me twice. So, the woman in billing refunded a charge of $6.95.

The bottom line. We spent probably 3 hours on hold, to resolve a problem that Verizon caused, and all we got was this lousy t-shirt. Actually, we didn't even get that. All we got was a refund of the amount that Verizon overcharged us in the first place.

Oh, do I hate Verizon. More Verizon hate stories to come...

The Aliens Have Been Here for a While

2005-09-29T22:23:00.000-04:00

Here's a coin from the 17th centrury, providing indisputable proof that the aliens have been watching us for quite some time. Naturally, as we evolved, they evolved. In the 17th century, they watched from above. Now, they read blogs.

More on Clowns (Mimes too)

2005-09-29T00:16:00.000-04:00

All this talk of hating things has made me think of clowns again. I don't actually hate clowns, but I am scared of them. As far as mimes go, well, I don't hate them either... but I extremely dislike them. For those who do hate clowns and mimes, you may want to check out ihateclowns.com, which is full of resources that help to support your cause.

Why I hate... Sprint #1

2005-09-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's right, in case you couldn't tell, I pretty much hate all of the big phone companies.

This one goes back about 6 years, when I was preparing to begin working out of my home. I needed a dedicated office phone line. However, at the time, I knew that I would be moving to a new home within a matter of a couple of months. Because of this, I decided to get a mobile phone, which I could use as my office line. Then, once in my new home, I could have a hard line installed.

I knew that I would need to make a large number of calls, so I shopped around, and came upon a great offer from Sprint. They were offering something like 2000 minutes per month, for around $45 per month, with a 1-year contract and a $35 activation fee. At the time, this all sounded very reasonable. What's more, they even had a top-notch mobile phone that I really liked.

I was a little nervous about how reliable a mobile phone would be, while serving as an office phone, but the salesman at Radio Shack assured me that if I was not satisfied, I could return the phone and cancel my plan within 30 days. The only downside was that if I cancelled, I would still have to pay the activation fee. I decided that I could live with that. So, I signed up to give it a try.

I took the mobile phone back home, eagerly awaiting my opportunity to make a call on my new office line. Unfortunately, once I got home, I realized that I did not get reception in my house. Well, that's not entirely true... I could stand on the desk in my office, near a window, and I could manage to get 1 bar. Unfortunately, I could not type on my computer, or do anything for that matter, while standing on my desk. I could step outside of my house, and the reception was perfect. It just didn't work inside.

So, I called Sprint. I explained the problem, telling them that I needed to use the phone to make calls from my home office. Well, Sprint informed me that they do not guarantee coverage inside of my house, and that I would need to make all of my calls from outside. Obviously, unless I moved my office to my front yard, this was not going to work.

Needless to say, I decided that I should cancel the plan, and return the phone. I had no problem returning the phone. Canceling the plan, however, was another story. I called Sprint, and told them that I wanted to cancel the plan, and that I understood that I would still be billed the $35 activation fee. Sprint canceled the plan, and informed me that my bill would arrive within a few days. Well, the bill did arrive a few days later. Only, it wasn't for $35. It was for around $89. Not only had they billed me for the activation fee, but they had billed me for an entire month of service (plus tax), despite the fact that I had made 6 minutes worth of calls, and had kept the phone and plan for about 3 days. I called Sprint, and informed them that there had been some kind of mistake. I did this, only to be informed that I was the one who had made the mistake. Regardless of how long I had the phone and plan, and the fact that I was never told this when I signed up for the service, I was responsible for the entire month. I begged them to only bill me for the calls that I made. They declined. I lost $89 to Sprint that month, and have hated them ever since.

Why I hate... Verizon #1

2005-09-27T08:55:00.000-04:00

I hate Verizon for, oh, so many reasons. Here's one. This happened a couple of years ago, and I'm still furious about it.

SIDE NOTE: I have a great new Verizon hate story that happened today, but I thought I'd preface that story with some background on my loathing, as I have much loathing for Verizon. In future postings, I'll probably expand on some of my other fun-filled Verizon experiences, as there are many.

About 2 years ago, I was planning a trip to California. At the time, my mobile phone account was with Verizon Wireless. For obvious reasons, I planned to make any long distance during my trip from my mobile phone, so as not to tally up an astronomical hotel phone bill, or purchase calling cards. I knew that my monthly mobile plan cost $34.95 a month. So, I logged onto Verizon's website, found the $34.95 a month plan, and verified that it would cover my calls from California. According to the website, it would.

So, I went on my merry way, traveled to California, and made many a call. I was happy. I was happy, that is, until I received my next mobile phone bill. Interestingly enough, my bill weighed in at a whopping $200. WHAT! This couldn't be right. I had double checked that my calls would be covered... or had I?

I called Verizon, and had the fortunate opportunity to speak to a customer service specialist that I could only describe as "unpleasant and unrefined". This insightful woman helped me to realize that I had somehow become misinformed. Silly me. According to her records, my plan did not include coverage for nationwide calls. I inquired about the information on the Verizon website, which clearly stated that a plan with the exact same price did cover nationwide calls. Yet again, I was missinformed. Apparently, I was too stupid to realize that, while the price for each plan was the same, my plan had never been "upgraded" because "Verizon doesn't just upgrade your plan." and "You have to call and request an upgrade." And, so, it came to be that I asked to be "upgraded", and I was. Only, what I didn't realize at the time, was that I was actually now being locked into a very short 2-year agreement... with no way out for less than $175.

Now almost 2 years later, here I sit, still stewing. For, I am still without my original $200, and I am now locked into a plan for a phone that I don't even use anymore. That's right, my phone stopped retaining its charge some time back. So, October 20th marks the final day of my Verizon contract. Oh, I can't wait for that faithful day. For, Verizon will be getting an earful, and they will have one less mobile customer.